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The Importance of Being (a Little Bit More) “Selfish”

What comes to mind when you think of the word “selfish?” For many, it carries a negative connotation and is associated with concepts such as greed, egotism, lack of consideration for others, and meanness. At the root of the word, it simply means “to be concerned with oneself” and can also mean to be “self-interested, self-loving, or self-serving”--what exactly is so wrong with that? Why is caring for oneself and caring for others often implied to be mutually exclusive?

We have all heard the analogy of putting on your own mask first before attempting to assist the person next to you in an emergency situation. Another wonderful example of this exists in the human body: for each heart beat, the heart first pumps blood to itself before sending it out to the rest of the body.

In today’s society, where busyness and lack of sleep are worn like badges of honor, prioritizing self-care can be portrayed as passe and lead to feelings of guilt, but in this fast-paced world it becomes even more vital to slow down and check in with your mental and physical well-being. In line with this thinking, there is an old zen proverb that states, “You should sit in meditation for 20 minutes every day – unless you’re too busy. Then you should sit for an hour.”

Without actively engaging in self-care activities, we are at risk of remaining in a state of chronic stress, which can lead to the development of adrenal fatigue. Your adrenal glands are two thumb-sized organs that sit on top of your kidneys and are an integral part of the endocrine system. The adrenals play a vital role in stress response. When faced with an actual or perceived threat, they release adrenaline (i.e. epinephrine) to help you leap into action, which is referred to as “fight-or-flight” mode. Next, they release corticosteroids which function to slow down what are, in that moment of crisis, seen as less vital processes, such as digestion and immune function. They are responsible for cortisol production, and play a role in balancing sex hormones as well as aldosterone (which is important for blood pressure control). From an evolutionary perspective, these adaptations were intended to be a transient response to a dangerous situation, but in this day and age, many of us---in some estimates, up to 80 percent of the population—are in this state chronically, which can have serious short- and long-term implications for our health and well-being.

Research has shown that individuals who take time for self-care practices are more creative, successful, and happier. So how do we begin to start moving away from maladaptive behavior and place self-care practices at the top of our priority list instead of leaving them as an after-thought? The journey begins by checking in with your physical and mental health, as well as social relationships and your professional life. Just like any other healthy habit, it can be easiest to integrate them into our routines if we build on other solid habits we have already established. For example, before my 11:00 p.m. bedtime, I will take 15 minutes for stretching and deep-breathing exercises and gratitude journaling. During my lunch break at work I will often take a 15-minute walk outdoors to enjoy the sunshine.

What counts as a self-care activity or practice? This is highly personal and individualized. It is really anything that relaxes, restores, and rejuvenates you, and contributes to your overall health and well-being in a positive way. Take some time to examine your schedule as well as your personal needs to begin to determine how to integrate regular acts of self-care into your daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly routines. Self-care activities can range in length from a few minutes of deep-breathing to a two-week vacation in Colorado!

Daily practices might include:

Monthly or weekly practices could include:

To help identify which areas you may need to spend some time developing, take a few minutes to consider the following. Do you:


Don’t wait until things are in a state of turbulence before realizing you need to reach for the oxygen mask. In order to be fully present, and to effectively engage with and care for the important people in our lives, we must fill our own cups first—you can’t pour from an empty cup. It may take time to develop these habits, but strive for progress, not perfection. So go ahead, and don’t just take it from me—give yourself permission to be a little more “selfish” today. 

Ivy M. Carson, Adult-Gerontology Nurse Practitioner and Certified Integrative Health Coach

Ivy M. Carson, MSN, RN, AGPCNP-BC, CHC Ivy is an Advanced Practice Nurse Practitioner and a Certified Holistic Health Coach. She earned a Master’s degree in Adult-Gerontology Primary Care Nursing with a specialty in Occupational Health from the University of Michigan, and simultaneously achieved a certificate in Holistic Health Coaching from the Institute for Integrative Nutrition, the world’s largest nutrition school. Additionally, she has completed the Food As Medicine clinician-training program through the Center for Mind-Body Medicine, and is on track to becoming a Certified Functional Medicine Provider via the Institute for Functional Medicine. Prior to the Bio Energy Medical Center, Ivy has accumulated nursing experience in the areas of Neuro Intensive Care, Cardiology, and in the Home Care setting.

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